Birthday Blues

Finally the year I have been waiting for my entire life, 2013 the year I finally turn 21.  I'm finally inside the world of alcohol, clubs, bars, 21+ concerts, Casinos. Somehow, I'm not as excited as I should be. Is it because I haven't really planned anything? Or maybe that almost no one seems to care. I litterally had to remind my family that my birthday is on Sunday a.k.a. Super Bowl Sunday so they can't plan anything. So far game watching, dinner, and a trip to Stampede are my only plans. Secretly, I am hoping that someone is planning me a surpise party, but I doubt that will happen.

Overall 20 was a good semi-good year for me. I did a lot, activity wise and emotionally wise.
-Almost commited suicide
-Finally got into therapy
-Went on Anti-deppresants
-Spent my summer at the beach and water parks
-Got my nose pierced twice, got my monroe pierced
-Got a tattoo
-Fell in love
-Was completely heart broken
-Went to a movie theater by myself
-Lost a best friend
-Rode the tallest ride at the county fair
-Went to six flags
-Went to X Fest and saw Eve 6, Of Monsters and Men, Grouplove, Rebelution, Neon Trees, P.O.D., Angles and Airwaves, Garbage, and Jane's Addiction
-Saw Neon Trees again and Penguin Prison
-Saw Linkin Park and Incubus
-Got a new car
-Drove to Six Flags

Maybe 21 will be a good year for me. Maybe it's the new medicine I'm on (Wellbutrin a.k.a. the happy, horny, skinny pill). Hopefully more tattoos, more concerts, more falling in love, and of course alcohol.

Time for some changes

Remember me going to FIDM? Well to tell you the truth, my grades weren't what they were supposed to be. All three semesters were under a 2.0 and because of that I am getting dismissed from the school . It really sucks, I wish I could go back in time and do things differently but I can't. As for my future there really isn't a plan of action. Fast forward to they day things started to change, my third semester began and I was notified that I was being put on contract in other words my last chance to boost my grades. On top of that the stress of doing the best and having to pay $400 because I failed a class really got to me.

Whats my plan now? I have no idea. I need to tell my parents, figure out what I'm going to do career wise, and manage to tell Somonee about my coping problems. To cope I either try to forget about it, abuse drugs, or cut myself. One of the main things that is stopping me is not getting sent away. I've had nightmares about this.

So I am going to make some changes in my life and on my blog, I really want to focus on it since I feel writing has been such a great outlet.

Update: Started writing this post a few days ago. So I told my older sister everything. I gave her a facebook message and we have been texting, I really didn't want to talk to her on the phone or in person. Since I told her my emotional mood swings have left, but I am still uneasy. I am going to have to see her today, because of a family event. Let's see how this goes and maybe I will make another post about it. Still love my blog, and hopefully will keep up with it more.

The Future....

Haven't had post in a while....sorry. I have been very busy and completely forgot about my blog until now. So some updates: 1. started my third quarter at fidm 2. taking four classes fabric id, apparel process 1, fundamentals of sketching, and critical thinking. Speaking of critical thinking I am supposed to be writing an essay but i am procrastinating. So, if you read my blog, you can tell i am not a huge fan of school. When I did go to a community collage I often skipped class and never took it as seriously as i should have. For Fidm I have only skipped class twice, I love my school so much. But unfortunately I am failing.. My GPA is pretty low...which ultimately sucks and it will pro ably take a miracle for me to pass, but I am trying.

LOVE: So there is this guy will call him Craig. He is very good looking, funny, likes boy bands (yes boy bands), has real set in stone goals, is a dancer, and he honestly seems like someone I would overall want to introduce to my parents....basically hes like what I want in a husband.
He may seem perfect but he also has some qualities I don't like. Hes overally religious, seems to ignore me a lot, and by ignoring i mean I will try to start a conversation with him and he either responds quickly or talks and picks up the conversation with somebody else. Hes a cancer and I am an Aquarius....basically they don't mix.

The there is this other guy will call his Henry. He is also very good looking, a bit older, nice arms which I have a thing for, and is not afraid to cuss. I just recently discovered I am very much attracted to Henry...but we don't talk at all, like he will try to make conversation with me but I don't get to talk to him that often. Another upside to Henry is that I've spent a little more time with him then Craig. Also Henry seems like the guy who will show you a good time and if anything physical starts to happen, things leading into sex is no big deal. While Craig will again show you a good time, but only leave you with a kiss or two.

As much as I like Craig, Henry seems to beat him by a nose. Not sure if anything will ever spark between either of these guys but a girl can dream. Its getting late so must get to work on that essay.