Finally the year I have been waiting for my entire life, 2013 the year I finally turn 21. I'm finally inside the world of alcohol, clubs, bars, 21+ concerts, Casinos. Somehow, I'm not as excited as I should be. Is it because I haven't really planned anything? Or maybe that almost no one seems to care. I litterally had to remind my family that my birthday is on Sunday a.k.a. Super Bowl Sunday so they can't plan anything. So far game watching, dinner, and a trip to Stampede are my only plans. Secretly, I am hoping that someone is planning me a surpise party, but I doubt that will happen.
Overall 20 was a good semi-good year for me. I did a lot, activity wise and emotionally wise.
-Almost commited suicide
-Finally got into therapy
-Went on Anti-deppresants
-Spent my summer at the beach and water parks
-Got my nose pierced twice, got my monroe pierced
-Got a tattoo
-Fell in love
-Was completely heart broken
-Went to a movie theater by myself
-Lost a best friend
-Rode the tallest ride at the county fair
-Went to six flags
-Went to X Fest and saw Eve 6, Of Monsters and Men, Grouplove, Rebelution, Neon Trees, P.O.D., Angles and Airwaves, Garbage, and Jane's Addiction
-Saw Neon Trees again and Penguin Prison
-Saw Linkin Park and Incubus
-Got a new car
-Drove to Six Flags
Maybe 21 will be a good year for me. Maybe it's the new medicine I'm on (Wellbutrin a.k.a. the happy, horny, skinny pill). Hopefully more tattoos, more concerts, more falling in love, and of course alcohol.
About Me
- Oliviaba7x
- Hi my name is Olivia. I am a High School Grad from 2010. I want to own my own business or just work in fashion. My family and friends mean everything to me. My blog is about my life, the troubles I face, and the adventures I want to document.
Showing posts with label Happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happy. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Commitment
Commitment. It can be a scary word, so many "m" to remember it has the power to intimidate. Besides the spelling, the meaning of it can make even grown men run in fear. I might have a fear of commitment, cause like most humans I change my mind. When I do commit its because a)its a sudden decision and I want to go with my gut or b)I have spent a great deal twirling the idea in my mind and I am positive this is the right choice. Not 100% positive cause my mind likes to have doubts. Now here is a (not so secret) secret, I can barely commit. This blog, my goals in life, my friends, and now my love life.
Love life? I am not 100% positive that I even have one. Is there a bf? Not exactly. Someone I care about? Yes. Something developing? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure if I should be sharing this. I found him not looking for something serious. Maybe something for a few times...if you know what I mean. But then feelings get involved, and it all becomes complicated. And my mind can't wrap around something that isn't black and white, that isn't yes or no. But for the first time in my life, I am not sure if I have commitment issues. A) I don't want to leave and give up so easily because 1) this might be worth while 2) I don't want to run away. Or B)I want to leave to avoid being hurt or C) Maybe this is a sign to find something closer.
Not the same situation but also involving my love life. I recently changed my Facebook Interested In section to men and women. I came out on Facebook. And that is kind of a big deal for me. Because the first time I came out to people it came back negatively and I eventually just told the world that, I was going thru a phase. But I just don't give as much of a fuck anymore. I like men and women, just in different ways. I can never see myself with another girl (keep in mind this post is about commitment so that might change) I honestly want girls for sexual relations. I want boys for that too, but with them I feel emotions too. So coming out makes me feel empowered in a way. I don't give a fuck about what people think about that part of my mind. The special someone I mentioned in the paragraph doesn't care that I want girls for sex, so it kinda works out.
Commitment. Something, people have trouble with and I am one of those people. I won't commit unless you give me a hell of a good reason to.
Love life? I am not 100% positive that I even have one. Is there a bf? Not exactly. Someone I care about? Yes. Something developing? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure if I should be sharing this. I found him not looking for something serious. Maybe something for a few times...if you know what I mean. But then feelings get involved, and it all becomes complicated. And my mind can't wrap around something that isn't black and white, that isn't yes or no. But for the first time in my life, I am not sure if I have commitment issues. A) I don't want to leave and give up so easily because 1) this might be worth while 2) I don't want to run away. Or B)I want to leave to avoid being hurt or C) Maybe this is a sign to find something closer.
Not the same situation but also involving my love life. I recently changed my Facebook Interested In section to men and women. I came out on Facebook. And that is kind of a big deal for me. Because the first time I came out to people it came back negatively and I eventually just told the world that, I was going thru a phase. But I just don't give as much of a fuck anymore. I like men and women, just in different ways. I can never see myself with another girl (keep in mind this post is about commitment so that might change) I honestly want girls for sexual relations. I want boys for that too, but with them I feel emotions too. So coming out makes me feel empowered in a way. I don't give a fuck about what people think about that part of my mind. The special someone I mentioned in the paragraph doesn't care that I want girls for sex, so it kinda works out.
Commitment. Something, people have trouble with and I am one of those people. I won't commit unless you give me a hell of a good reason to.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
What is happiness?
For a couple weeks, maybe months, and possibly years I have asked myself am I happy? I always answered yes. But recently I have started to ask myself if I am unhappy? And my answer is still yes. If I was truly happy I would not be in therapy. But yet I am not sad enough to consider myself depressed.
I am not a religious person at all, I am still trying to find out if I believe in religion at all. But I do think that fate has given me a gift this summer.If I counted all the bad things that have happened to me in the past month, I would believe that I had a terrible summer. But yet fate has given me such amazing things to counteract all the bad.
Maybe happiness is the feeling that everything isn't crumbling beneath me. Or that through everything that has happened I still manage to smile. Right now I could name a million things that I would change in order to make me completely happy and giddy. But I know life doesn't work that way. Maybe I'm not happy, maybe I am just thankful.
I am not a religious person at all, I am still trying to find out if I believe in religion at all. But I do think that fate has given me a gift this summer.If I counted all the bad things that have happened to me in the past month, I would believe that I had a terrible summer. But yet fate has given me such amazing things to counteract all the bad.
Maybe happiness is the feeling that everything isn't crumbling beneath me. Or that through everything that has happened I still manage to smile. Right now I could name a million things that I would change in order to make me completely happy and giddy. But I know life doesn't work that way. Maybe I'm not happy, maybe I am just thankful.
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