For starters, its been quite a while since I've updated or bothered to post anything, but I have missed this and writing has been on my mind for quite a while now. Since I've been gone I still have had my fair share of ups and downs but things are changing for the better. I may not have had a jam packed summer like I did last year, but it was still delightful. I've stated seeing my therapist less and less, we've gone from once a week to once a month. Even though I do miss having someone help me figure out my problems with me, I like the fact that I can deal with stuff on my own now. I have gotten a new foot tattoo, I got an Avenged Sevenfold deathbat on my left foot, not the original but slightly different. I got pit tickets to see Avenged Sevenfold, and honestly it was one of the most happiest times of my existence. I also got to see Halestrom, Volbeat, Blink 182, 30 Seconds to Mars, Weezer, Jimmy Eat World, H.I.M., and The Offspring. Musically this summer has been a dream come true.
But the biggest change in my life, was Him. My boyfriend and as far as I am convinced soul mate. Honestly, if at first I don't like someone or feel uncomfortable with them I cut them out of my life. But with him I couldn't ever do it, something made me want to stay and see where this friendship was taking us. One fateful night in July, changed everything. I won't go into any gruesome details, but I got super wasted and basically blacked out. Honestly, I don't remember 5 hours of that night. At the end of the day he took care of me and that made me realize, no one would ever do that for me unless they really loved me. As of today we are 4 months into our relationship and I have never been happier. Other than one of my best friends who I've known since Kindergarten, he knows all of my secrets and all of my flaws. Not even my therapist who I've known longer knows absolutely everything like he does. Like all the things I hold in a precious place, I keep him safe with me. I'm not ready to share him with the world yet, I want to keep him safe where no one will hurt him, but most of all I don't want to share our close and intimate details with the world, My relationship with him, should be based on just me and him, and I plan to keep it that way by not over sharing details.
I've noticed my depression has somehow cured itself with the happiness he brings me, of I got off my anti-depressants I would hardly notice since I don't think I need them. Suicide has barely crossed my mind, because with him I see a future. I do still think about cutting, but I tell myself not to be selfish, if I hurt myself I will hurt him. Love has become my cure to depression, maybe its the early stages of love setting in, but I am going to embrace it and hold hands with him on my way to recovery.
About Me
- Oliviaba7x
- Hi my name is Olivia. I am a High School Grad from 2010. I want to own my own business or just work in fashion. My family and friends mean everything to me. My blog is about my life, the troubles I face, and the adventures I want to document.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
My experience on Wellbutrin (Bupropion)
Beginning of 2013 I was finally able to convince myself to go on medication (crazy pills) for my various issues such as anxiety and depression. This is my short journey with Wellbutrin (Bupropion) and anti-depressant.
On January I started my first dose of Wellbutrin (a.k,a. the happy, horny, skinny pill) and oh my did my world change. All of a sudden I had all this energy, I was super hyper all the time and felt actually happy for a while...For some reason I decided to drink a super large Monster Energy drink and I definitely felt the energy but only to have the worst crash ever. I was so tired and drained of energy by the end of the day. I did have another can of this stuff and it have the same effect on me, even when I wasn't full of natural energy. My hyper days faded over time and soon I started to have quite depressing days, where I didn't want to get out of my bed or be productive at all. Eventually I mellowed out and didn't feel an overall difference. After a month of taking Wellbutrin I went back to the psychiatrist. The medicine didn't end up making much of a difference with my depression but it did help lower my anxiety. The psychiatrist upped my dosage to Wellbutrin XL (which ironically comes in a smaller pill than the original Wellbutrin).
On February I started Wellbutrin XL and with my depression I didn't notice any slight changes after a month of taking it. My anxiety did disappear and I didn't feel it all, some days I did have physical anxiety energy but not as often. Wellbutrin XL also changed my thoughts on suicide and self mutilation. On regular Welbutrin I did think of suicide a bit more, but on the XL I started to process it more. Somehow every week I already knew that I was going to have a suicidal thought anytime, I expected it with this medication. It did start to increase from once a week to three times a week the more I took it. I did think of cutting a lot more as well, it went hand in hand with my suicidal thoughts. What is kind of odd is my thoughts were never triggered by a bad day or a sad event. Like a weed it just popped up for no reason or purpose and just grew.
In conclusion taking this changed my energy levels once starting it and made me more suicidal. It did however help with my anxiety but did almost nothing for my depression. I recently did have another visit with the psychiatrist and have changed onto Zoloft (another anti-depressant) which I should be starting in a few days. Zoloft should be a little less stimulating (less suicidal thoughts) but still be able to help with my anxiety. If you are going to consider taking Wellbutrin please do your research on this drug. I suggest using Crazy Meds :). This is just my experience and to each his own.
On January I started my first dose of Wellbutrin (a.k,a. the happy, horny, skinny pill) and oh my did my world change. All of a sudden I had all this energy, I was super hyper all the time and felt actually happy for a while...For some reason I decided to drink a super large Monster Energy drink and I definitely felt the energy but only to have the worst crash ever. I was so tired and drained of energy by the end of the day. I did have another can of this stuff and it have the same effect on me, even when I wasn't full of natural energy. My hyper days faded over time and soon I started to have quite depressing days, where I didn't want to get out of my bed or be productive at all. Eventually I mellowed out and didn't feel an overall difference. After a month of taking Wellbutrin I went back to the psychiatrist. The medicine didn't end up making much of a difference with my depression but it did help lower my anxiety. The psychiatrist upped my dosage to Wellbutrin XL (which ironically comes in a smaller pill than the original Wellbutrin).
On February I started Wellbutrin XL and with my depression I didn't notice any slight changes after a month of taking it. My anxiety did disappear and I didn't feel it all, some days I did have physical anxiety energy but not as often. Wellbutrin XL also changed my thoughts on suicide and self mutilation. On regular Welbutrin I did think of suicide a bit more, but on the XL I started to process it more. Somehow every week I already knew that I was going to have a suicidal thought anytime, I expected it with this medication. It did start to increase from once a week to three times a week the more I took it. I did think of cutting a lot more as well, it went hand in hand with my suicidal thoughts. What is kind of odd is my thoughts were never triggered by a bad day or a sad event. Like a weed it just popped up for no reason or purpose and just grew.
In conclusion taking this changed my energy levels once starting it and made me more suicidal. It did however help with my anxiety but did almost nothing for my depression. I recently did have another visit with the psychiatrist and have changed onto Zoloft (another anti-depressant) which I should be starting in a few days. Zoloft should be a little less stimulating (less suicidal thoughts) but still be able to help with my anxiety. If you are going to consider taking Wellbutrin please do your research on this drug. I suggest using Crazy Meds :). This is just my experience and to each his own.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Review: ELF Lip Exfoliater
Winter, the season I was born with and the season that my lips are not my best friend. The cold air just dries out my skin and is especially harsh on my lips. Chapstick and lip balm are only lip products I use on a regular basis, as a kid I tried to collect as many Lip Smackers products I could find thus making lip products just not fun anymore. Sometimes Chapstick doesn't seems to do the trick, so dry lips are my constant enemy this season. But today I found a lip product to save my chapped lips.
The ELF Lip Exfoliater, I honestly can't imagine not having this product constantly stocked. This product is packed with Vitamin E, Shea Butter, Avocado, Grape, Jojoba oils and sugar to exfoliate and moisturize your lips. All you have to do to have mouth watering soft lips is rub the product in circles around your lips (really buff it in), and just wipe with a water soaked cotton pad/napkin.
1) Taste: The sugar really helps the product exfoliate your lips and gives it a sweet taste. It might not be a smart idea to swallow or eat this product but if its going around anywhere near your mouth it might as well not taste awful.
2) Packaging: Its not my favorite packaging a little to bulk and could definitely be a little sleeker. Won't be something that could easily fit in your pocket, but not a deal breaker. The product itself comes in a classic lipstick shape, which makes the application process much easier than something in a little jar.
3) Price: This product is part of the ELF studio line and retails for $3. I found mine at my local Target but it is also available at the ELF website www.eyeslipsface.com. For something that has completely changed the way my lips feel, $3 is not a bad price at all.
Overall, this is definitely something worth checking out. Dry lips or not, using this is a great little lip pick-me-up. If you plan on doing any kissing or going on hot dates this is something to definitely keep handy. You can easily use this in a bathroom or even in your car (just keep a water bottle and napkin handy, not tissues though the water and sugar will makes these useless). Have a happy day and happy lips!
The ELF Lip Exfoliater, I honestly can't imagine not having this product constantly stocked. This product is packed with Vitamin E, Shea Butter, Avocado, Grape, Jojoba oils and sugar to exfoliate and moisturize your lips. All you have to do to have mouth watering soft lips is rub the product in circles around your lips (really buff it in), and just wipe with a water soaked cotton pad/napkin.
1) Taste: The sugar really helps the product exfoliate your lips and gives it a sweet taste. It might not be a smart idea to swallow or eat this product but if its going around anywhere near your mouth it might as well not taste awful.
2) Packaging: Its not my favorite packaging a little to bulk and could definitely be a little sleeker. Won't be something that could easily fit in your pocket, but not a deal breaker. The product itself comes in a classic lipstick shape, which makes the application process much easier than something in a little jar.
3) Price: This product is part of the ELF studio line and retails for $3. I found mine at my local Target but it is also available at the ELF website www.eyeslipsface.com. For something that has completely changed the way my lips feel, $3 is not a bad price at all.
Overall, this is definitely something worth checking out. Dry lips or not, using this is a great little lip pick-me-up. If you plan on doing any kissing or going on hot dates this is something to definitely keep handy. You can easily use this in a bathroom or even in your car (just keep a water bottle and napkin handy, not tissues though the water and sugar will makes these useless). Have a happy day and happy lips!
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Review: Suave Professionals Dry Shampoo Spray
Dry shampoo is one of my life savers. The more I use it the more time my hair can go without shampooing. It may sound gross to some people, but I don't wash my hair everyday. Shampoo may get your hair clean, but it does strip your hair of essential oils. Less washing, means less heat styling and more time on my hands.
I have super oily hair to begin with, so dry shampoo can be such a game changer when it comes to my hair. I've tried a few diffrent brands some I liked, and some I hated. The Suave brand dry shampoo has become my absolute favorite find.
1) The cost: I found this baby at Target for $2.89! I've been dying to try the TIGI Dirty Secret dry shampoo but it's $19.49. A bit pricey for the average young adult without a job.
2)The smell: This product smells very citruisy to me, and I really don't mind. I'm from southern Caifornia and I literally live in an actual Grapefruit grove, with some lemons and orange trees included too. So I am quite fond of tangy yet sweet smells.
3)Oil Control/ Volume: Does this product soak up my oily roots? Yes it does! After spraying this and brushing it in, my hair not only looks refreshed but also smells amazing too. Dry shampoo also comes with the added benefit of giving your hair some volume. Second day hair can easily turn into a refreshed look with volume. Plus, you don't need to heat style and light teasing to achive this look.
For anyone who has oliy, colore treated, or damaged hair this product is worth trying.
I have super oily hair to begin with, so dry shampoo can be such a game changer when it comes to my hair. I've tried a few diffrent brands some I liked, and some I hated. The Suave brand dry shampoo has become my absolute favorite find.
1) The cost: I found this baby at Target for $2.89! I've been dying to try the TIGI Dirty Secret dry shampoo but it's $19.49. A bit pricey for the average young adult without a job.
2)The smell: This product smells very citruisy to me, and I really don't mind. I'm from southern Caifornia and I literally live in an actual Grapefruit grove, with some lemons and orange trees included too. So I am quite fond of tangy yet sweet smells.
3)Oil Control/ Volume: Does this product soak up my oily roots? Yes it does! After spraying this and brushing it in, my hair not only looks refreshed but also smells amazing too. Dry shampoo also comes with the added benefit of giving your hair some volume. Second day hair can easily turn into a refreshed look with volume. Plus, you don't need to heat style and light teasing to achive this look.
For anyone who has oliy, colore treated, or damaged hair this product is worth trying.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Blog Changes
So blogging yesterday felt pretty good! I got to release some emotions and just tell the world what I'm feeling. I am thinking of 1) making more blog posts 2)making specific blog posts. I want to start making maybe reviews, make-up of the day, outfit of the day, band/album of the day and still keep up with my random blogs.
1. Reviews: Mostly make-up but some hair product reviews too. For now I will keep it up to those two and possibly expand to other categories.
2. Make-up of the day/week: The products I used that day since they do change out a lot. And mainly what eye look I was going for. I am not an expert at make-up or how to properly apply it but sometimes my eyes look pretty amazing. Maybe this will lead to tutorials?
3. Outfit of the day/week: I don't always have the best outfits, but sometimes I do. Just kind of want to show case them since Fashion is my life.
4. Band/Album/Song of the day/week: Showing the world what I am currently listening to For example Imagine Dragons would be a very good post for this. Love the band, enjoying their album Night Visions and I can't stop listening to Demons. But sometimes it might just be a band like The Offspring, an album like Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses by Slipknot, or the song Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood. Again this might vary.
Short term goal right now is get these 4 posts done by the end of the month. Slowly working up to bi-monthly posts and eventually weekly posts. If you know me, or have somehow followed this blog you know I can't really make any promises. I will try to make this work. Once again no promises.
Look for these new changes starting in Feb!
1. Reviews: Mostly make-up but some hair product reviews too. For now I will keep it up to those two and possibly expand to other categories.
2. Make-up of the day/week: The products I used that day since they do change out a lot. And mainly what eye look I was going for. I am not an expert at make-up or how to properly apply it but sometimes my eyes look pretty amazing. Maybe this will lead to tutorials?
3. Outfit of the day/week: I don't always have the best outfits, but sometimes I do. Just kind of want to show case them since Fashion is my life.
4. Band/Album/Song of the day/week: Showing the world what I am currently listening to For example Imagine Dragons would be a very good post for this. Love the band, enjoying their album Night Visions and I can't stop listening to Demons. But sometimes it might just be a band like The Offspring, an album like Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses by Slipknot, or the song Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood. Again this might vary.
Short term goal right now is get these 4 posts done by the end of the month. Slowly working up to bi-monthly posts and eventually weekly posts. If you know me, or have somehow followed this blog you know I can't really make any promises. I will try to make this work. Once again no promises.
Look for these new changes starting in Feb!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Birthday Blues
Finally the year I have been waiting for my entire life, 2013 the year I finally turn 21. I'm finally inside the world of alcohol, clubs, bars, 21+ concerts, Casinos. Somehow, I'm not as excited as I should be. Is it because I haven't really planned anything? Or maybe that almost no one seems to care. I litterally had to remind my family that my birthday is on Sunday a.k.a. Super Bowl Sunday so they can't plan anything. So far game watching, dinner, and a trip to Stampede are my only plans. Secretly, I am hoping that someone is planning me a surpise party, but I doubt that will happen.
Overall 20 was a good semi-good year for me. I did a lot, activity wise and emotionally wise.
-Almost commited suicide
-Finally got into therapy
-Went on Anti-deppresants
-Spent my summer at the beach and water parks
-Got my nose pierced twice, got my monroe pierced
-Got a tattoo
-Fell in love
-Was completely heart broken
-Went to a movie theater by myself
-Lost a best friend
-Rode the tallest ride at the county fair
-Went to six flags
-Went to X Fest and saw Eve 6, Of Monsters and Men, Grouplove, Rebelution, Neon Trees, P.O.D., Angles and Airwaves, Garbage, and Jane's Addiction
-Saw Neon Trees again and Penguin Prison
-Saw Linkin Park and Incubus
-Got a new car
-Drove to Six Flags
Maybe 21 will be a good year for me. Maybe it's the new medicine I'm on (Wellbutrin a.k.a. the happy, horny, skinny pill). Hopefully more tattoos, more concerts, more falling in love, and of course alcohol.
Overall 20 was a good semi-good year for me. I did a lot, activity wise and emotionally wise.
-Almost commited suicide
-Finally got into therapy
-Went on Anti-deppresants
-Spent my summer at the beach and water parks
-Got my nose pierced twice, got my monroe pierced
-Got a tattoo
-Fell in love
-Was completely heart broken
-Went to a movie theater by myself
-Lost a best friend
-Rode the tallest ride at the county fair
-Went to six flags
-Went to X Fest and saw Eve 6, Of Monsters and Men, Grouplove, Rebelution, Neon Trees, P.O.D., Angles and Airwaves, Garbage, and Jane's Addiction
-Saw Neon Trees again and Penguin Prison
-Saw Linkin Park and Incubus
-Got a new car
-Drove to Six Flags
Maybe 21 will be a good year for me. Maybe it's the new medicine I'm on (Wellbutrin a.k.a. the happy, horny, skinny pill). Hopefully more tattoos, more concerts, more falling in love, and of course alcohol.
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